The Last Great Romantic

Chances are you'll meet someone that will simply sweep you off your feet, carry you in a far and distant land and vow to make you happy for the rest of your life. And while most believe that fairytales are just stories to compensate for your longing, waiting and need to be with someone. For some, it does happen.

Waiting for the right 'prince' to come can take as much patience as once can tolerate in a lifetime. But when he comes knocking on your doorstep, one can only surmise the amount of joy and passion seeing that shining armour.

I sat here thinking about you.
Wondering if that blinding light has caused me to see beyond what I can only dream about. Somewhere in a land I have never travelled,
you looked at me in silence seemingly whispering to follow.
Beyond the truth,
beyond any experience,
across foolishness, hate, and fear,
I saw myself drawn near.
My world divides,
and my soul seeks the one.
In your frail gesture of the things that surround me,
of which I could not feel,
I could not touch because I knew at once you loved me.
And if dreams, hopes and wishes are for children,
and love is tale for fools,
I'd like to live this tale with you.

Believing that a fairytale can come true is the same as believing in God. Both require faith.

As a child I learned that if you want something you can pray. And out of the gazillion of prayers HE hears every single day, you wonder if he actually has time to answer all of them. Good news is that He does. Bad news, sometimes the answer is NO.

Most likely, the love of your life will not be a prince. He will not be as glorious as you have imagined. He will not be on a steed dressed in golden saddle. He will not be wearing a shining armour. He will not be the one you expect him to be. But there will be something there to let you believe that while he is not your prince, he's someone who will care for you and love you unconditionally.

Oftentimes, we set expectations on people we would want to meet. We set standards on what we believe is the perfect person for us. Idealism.

(Idealism is the doctrine that ideas, or thought, make up the whole or an indispensable aspect of any full reality.)

A deranged perception of reality, bounds you to believe that a lifetime can happen.

But then, you wake up one morning fearing everything that was just a reverie you stumble to get out of bed. A familiar face greets you, “Good morning, Hun!”

Chances are your fairytale just came true.

Sunday with Tunde

Hey, so you threw your heart right in

And it turned out less than perfect
A losing streak is starting in your mind
You let yourself believe the pain
Is never gonna be worth it

I've been in Malaysia for two weeks now and I'm missing all of my friends in Manila. I'm supposed to go back home on Saturday, Aug 2 but it looks like I'll be staying here one more week. I still need to finish a lot of things. Turn over documents to the new girl on the block. Train the new guy and hire and interview a couple of dozen more people for the job. So tiring. So lonely.

Missing Atche and her ramblings, stories, scams, mood swings and everything else in between. I know from reading her blog (http://iamsucculent.blogspot.com) that she misses me too. It's just different here with no close friends to share your life with.

Don't beat yourself up
Know that you were never wrong for wishful thinking
So you done lost the battle
Should we just cross out your name and let you sink

Missing Sepid and her funny moments. She seems to be coping a lot better now. I didn't know how strong she was until now. I'd like to share her story but I promised her I would not say anything. But for the readers out there who doesn't know her, just think betrayal.

I was looking at our pictures from way back when. During the time she was still with the company. It made me miss her even more. Being with her was one of the best moments I remember. Remember Singpore Sep? Hilarious!

I'm missing Reejoie too. We usually share stories about our frustrations about the company and how unfair it can be for some of us. I heard she's sick now. Probably her allergies are acting up again. (Get well soon, Badette!)

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

There a couple of good things that happened to me while I was here though. One, I got my new toy. For months and months we (Reejoie and I) have been thinking of what dSLR to buy. We were agreed that Nikon was still one of the best cameras but we can't decide which one to get, Nikon D60 or Nikon D80. I did an extensive research on both cams and while I think D80 is still the better cam, I ended up buying the D60, mainly because it was best for my budget. (Read: previous blog)

The other good thing was the cause of my sleepless nights, huge phone bill, welcomed distractions, and the reason I smile on idle moments. Not going to dwell on that for now. Let's just say I'm looking forward to be home. Honestly though, this scares the sh*t out of me. But I won't let my fear get in the way of my chance to be happy.

So, you had to let it go
It clearly wasn't working
A new love leaves you trembling
You hide behind the door
So unsure of what you used to know
So now you think you're every move ten steps ahead
And you are frozen
Caught inside yourself
You're drowning as the anger overflows

I haven't heard anything from Singapore Guy for quite some time now. Yes, we dated again just before I flew to Malaysia. I invited him out for a movie and we were suppose to meet again later that night. But for some reason, we didn't. Must be fate. Must be a sign telling me to give it up. How many more times do I have to see the door close for me to realize there's nothing or no one coming back? My messianic complex kicked it.

-0-

The Messiah Complex is a state in which the individual believes themselves to be, or destined to become, the saviour of the particular field, a group, an event, a time period, or in an extreme scenario, the world. This could also be the state in which a group views an individual as a messiah, such as followers of a cult leader. The cult leader doesn't have to claim to be a messiah, but if he is treated as such by his followers, it can also be classified as such.

People with a messiah complex tend to see themselves as saviors to a specific group of people or a specific field, making claims of their own glory, or claiming a self-awareness of their own gift and how that gift can affect a group of people or a field of life.

In the most extreme cases, people with a messiah complex may see themselves as spiritual/religious messiahs with transcendent powers who are destined to save the world.

(Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messianic_complex)

-0-

Nothing extreme as such saving the world. Just one person. Who likes playing.

He seems like a player. Acts like a player. Can be a player. Maybe he IS a player. But one thing is for certain, I gave this guy the power to hurt me. And I'm taking that power back.

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down

So...

I've got two more weeks here and I'm doing ok spening my Sunday with Tunde. But I miss spending it with Nat. Black and White in Good Earth. And loving every second of it!

(Shout out to Vicky who introduced Tunde to me, who sounds like Seal and whose songs cuts deep like a knife. Lyirics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/tunde_lyrics_3177/tunde_lyrics_10338/great_romantic_lyrics_119536.html)

Me and My Nikon D60

Ok, so after months of waiting, I finally bought my very first d-SLR. My new toy! Me so happpeeee!!! =D

I started photography very early. I joined the PhotoSoc (Photography Society) back when I was in grade 6 and then joined the Advanced Photography Club a year later. I was using a Nikon and Canon SLR back then and I learned a lot. But through the years, with the advancement from film to digital I placed my cameras locked in a closet somewhere at home.



About two years ago, I bought a Sony Cybershot DSC-H2, a semi-pro camera but only after a year or so, I started to lose interest in using it because it was bulky for a point and shoot but not so convenient for professional shots. Later that year I bought a Cybershot T200 which was a really nice point and shoot camera. I brought it everywhere and shot everything. Soon after, I craved for a d-slr. Inspired by my friend Reejoie who likes to take photos also. So we promised that come our adjustment money we will buy one. (Sorry, Joie, I know I promised we'd buy it together but it was relatively cheaper here in Malaysia and plus I am an impulse buyer anyway. hehehe.)

I initially wanted a Nikon D80 but because it was too expensive for my budget, I opted for a cheaper D60 which turned out to be a good buy. Technically I know basic photography so I guess this will do for now. Maybe after a year I will have the professional know-how to get a pro d-slr. I'm waiting for the D90. =D

So here's a few shots I took from my new toy! I love it! Enjoy!
http://imago.multiply.com/photos/album/150/Me_and_My_Nikon_D60

OMFG! Ms. Vicky's in Love

So love does come in the most unlikely place and time, and even the most unlikely person. (Told 'yah so! But nooooobody listens to the gay guy, huh!)

What can I say, she's in love. Ms. Vicky's in love.

Either that or she's just blushing like a 16yo virgin, never been touched, never been kissed, and never been fondled -- which I know is killing her. (Kidding!)

My emotions are running amok.

I’m happy for her and I pity myself.

I’m envious and I hate it.

I’m hopeful but it’s fleeting.

Sigh!

She recently met this E-I-C of one of the top magazines in the country--- through Facebook. Yes, single people, finding a date through the internet is easier than getting your food on time during lunch time in Manggan. And being both writers, they basically hit it off almost instantly.

A few days later, 5 days to be exact EIC’s declaration of love became official. “Be mine.” Sounds like something you’d see on a teddy bear or perhaps a cricket lighter. Baby, Lyt My Fire!

And what would dear Ms. Vicky do? She was basically, for the lack of better words, swept off her feet. And for those people who know her, and by that I mean the badettes¸ she isn’t the kind of woman who’d be taken by all the pambobola of men especially since she’s got game at the whole bolahan thing too. But who would have thought that she would dive in, then swim on treacherous water, drown, only to be seen, carried off to shore, and revived by a man who was willing to look pass her past and be his future.

And if only I could share the many SMS exchanges they had that would simply blow anyone who reads it away. Perhaps since they both write well, they could express their emotions in a more poetic, grammatically correct, spell-checked manner unlike most normal human beings.

It’s soooo unlike her. I’ve never seen her THIS happy in almost 3 years as friends. No guy has ever made her light up so much. And I worry for her. I don’t want to see the light switched off anytime soon. I only wish this guy is THE real deal. And that he has a gay brother whom he could introduce to me.

But the important thing is now. A new beginning with the perfect person and she’s happy, and we, as her friends are happier for her.

Nakaka-wala ng pagkatao ang pagka-impacho sa pagmamahal!

Yes, my friends, Ms. Vicky’s in love.

(photo pic-napped at her friendster)

To Atche: I do hope it's perfectly alright to write about this. I was just sooooo inspired with the twinkle in your eyes that I decided to write something about it -- less false eyelashes.

Side Order of Love

I don’t remember the last time I fell in love. It was such a long time ago that every day that I think about finding love feels as if it’ll never come. ‘Be patient, it’ll come in the most unexpected time, in the most unlikely place.’ My friend always told me this and somehow, while it’s comforting to know, I’m finding it harder and harder to believe.

I miss it. I miss the feeling of being in love. I miss the happiness that comes with it. I miss the moments when you wake up knowing that the one you love is beside you. I miss the times when right before you go to bed, his voice is the last thing you hear.

And so, I post this blog to find someone who’ll read it and relate. As I’m sure a lot of single people there will. I envy my friends, who got married, engaged, or just plain in love with their partners. I envy what they have and I remember when I used to have that too.

I recently heard that my last ex has another partner, 2 since the last time we broke up. I don’t really know if he’s just lucky or is it because he’s out there, always on the prowl and I’m not.

Every week, I take time to unwind and spend some quality time to release a stressful week at work. Malate, Metrowalk, Makati, I can be seen anywhere and yet no one really sees me. Time and time again, I’ve asked myself if I’m that difficult to approach, to get to know, to love. I am a complicated person, that I will admit to but I am not difficult to love. I’m just like most people, idealistic and a hopeless-romantic. It’s just that I admit to it.

I can’t wait for love to come. I can’t wait for someone to sweep me off my feet and carry me to a far off land. Ok, well I guess that’s pushing it. Let’s just say I want someone I can connect with. Someone sincere and faithful, whom I know nowadays, is hard to come by, especially in the gay scene. After all, men are naturally born promiscuous.

Last night, I was in a bar, somewhere in Malate and there was this pretty adorable guy dancing in front of me. He was being eyed by another guy from across the dance floor. I noticed him texting and peeked to look. Yes, I was that bored. He was sms-ing his lover. I knew ‘coz I saw the name ‘PAO-HUN.’ After a few more drinks and more eye to eye courtship, the guy from across the dance floor approached and they started making out. I thought to myself, ‘Is there really no more faithful guys around?’ It’s so sad that most people take for granted their relationships. And for what, for a quick lay?

Sometimes I wonder if the complication of being in a relationship is worth the risk. Is being in a relationship better than being single? Or is being single and just fooling around better than risking being hurt because one partner can’t keep their pants on? I guess it all boils down to contentment. But people rarely get satisfied. There’s always something more they want. It’s never enough. Love never is.

If being in a relationship is the main course and love is the side order, let me have some of that.

Check please!